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订正我的英语作文,谢谢
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作者： 441377325
01-01 08:00
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The head of a business company felt that his long road to successwas very interesting.Twenty years ago,he employed several experianced helpers.One of them had set up a world record.He chose a free,deserted car park to be his garage.At that short time,he was very worride about the thief who had large temptation to steal.So he went to the local police station every month.the thief was hoped anxiously by him. |
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回复：订正我的英语作文,谢谢
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作者： 傻鸟nn
01-01 08:00
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你的太中式英语了，如果需要帮你订正，请提供你的中文意思！
以下是我的分析，仅供参考：
1. The head of a business company felt that his long road to success was very interesting.
订正：A head of a business company felt his long way to success pretty interesting.
这个地方不用the head，因为并未指定。用feel sth adj.的结构，可以让你的行文简单直接。the way to success是表示“通向成功之路”，介词to是固定用法。
2. Twenty years ago,he employed several experianced helpers.One of them had set up a world record.
订正：Twenty years ago,he employed several experianced assistants, one of which had had created a world record.
helper指帮手（很多时候指做家务的帮手），用assistant较恰当。后后面一个非限制性定语从句简单描述其中的一个assisstant。
3.He chose a free, deserted car park to be his garage.
park就可以表示“停车场的意思”，不过你用的car park也可以，只是比较中式。这句非常OK。
4. At that short time,he was very worride about the thief who had large temptation to steal.So he went to the local police station every month.the thief was hoped anxiously by him.
订正：During that short time, he was worried that thieves with strong desire would conduct stealing, so he went to the local police station every month, anxiously expecting the thief could be arrested. “在。。。期间”用During...较好。thieves with strong desire would conduct stealing 在thieves(thief的复数)前不加the，表示未指定，因为并不清楚是哪一个小偷，万一还是很多个小偷呢？加上conduct stealing是为了让这句话完整，因为中文里即使不说完整也能明白，但英文应该更清楚。anxiously expecting the thief could be arrested 个人认为选用expect是很好的，表示期待，用expecting表示伴随状态，描述他的心理。arrested是被捕的意思了。
这应该只是一个开头，可能有些个别词仍可以讨论。不过，你的作文总的来讲比较中式。英语作文的原则：用最简单的词和句表达尽量完整（恰当）的意思。 |
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回复：订正我的英语作文,谢谢
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作者： jjyjazysy
03-19 12:43
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The manager of a business company gelt that his long way to success was veyy interesting.Twenty years ago,he employed several experianced sessters,one of whom had set up a world record .He chose a free and deserted car park as a garage.In that short time ,he was very worried about the thief who had sthong temption to sheal.So he went to the local station every month,anxious to catch the thief. |
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回复：订正我的英语作文,谢谢
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作者： shirley1110
03-19 12:43
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helpers换一下,改为assistants怎么样?
car park 也不妥,太口语化了,改为parking space吧
the thief was hoped anxiously by him.这句话感觉怪怪的 小偷存在吗这很关键 |
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回复：订正我的英语作文,谢谢
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作者： ivanhon
03-19 12:43
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A boss in a business company felt that it's pretty interesting to share the way how he got success. 20 years ago, he hired several practical persons to be his assistants, and one of whom had ever broken the world record. He finally chose a free, disused parking stadium as his workshop. In that days, he always felt worried that the thieft would come and steal something. Thus, he went to the the police office once a month. |
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回复：订正我的英语作文,谢谢
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作者： 星尘随风
03-19 12:43
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The boss of a business company felt his long way to success was very interesting.Twenty years ago,he employed several experienced assistants,one of whom had ever broken the world record.He chose a free,discarded park as his workshop.During those days,he felt very worried with the thief who had strong temptation.So he went to the local police station once a month and hoped the thief could be captured as soon as possible. |
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